How to Win Friends and Influence People.
How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary
Author: Dale Carnegie
Part one: Fundamental Techniques in handling people.
First Principle: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
Psychology proves that an individual learns better once we give them rewards for his/her good works rather giving punishments and criticizing the mistakes. an individual feels motivated once we appreciate him it supports their pride and ego.
Criticism is futile because it puts an individual on defensive and typically makes them strive to justify themselves. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Second principle: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
People want money, success and love but one thing which lies in disguise is that the respect and appreciation they need for his or her work which pushes them forward to figure more.
Here appreciation doesn't suggest flattering which is a totally different thing. Flattering may be a tongue job but real appreciation comes from the heart.
Sincere and honest appreciation comes once we give more value to others and believe them positively.
Third Principle: Arouse an eager want within the other person.
Giving people what they need motivates people and encourage them. it's preferable in market strategy to think from the customer's perspective and supply them with their needs.
The well you'll be ready to provide the necessity of an individual more you'll influence them.
Of course, you're curious about what you would like. But nobody else is. the remainder folks are a bit like you: we have an interest in what we would like . -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Part Two: Now Six ways to form People such as you.
First Principle: the sole thanks to getting the simplest of an argument is to avoid it.
Arguing is that the thing an individual should avoid. We argue once we think we are absolutely correct could also be we win the argument but what it yields?? It only creates differences among people.
The better thing in the argument is to avoid the argument.
In the race to prove ourselves correct at every point, we lost the person.
There is just one way under high heaven to urge the simplest of an argument - which is to avoid it. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Second Principle: Show respect for the other's opinions. Never say you're wrong.
Going further with the thought of not arguing with others we should always also avoid saying plain no to others. This act may create a defensive posture by the person and he/she will start defending them. This thing will only make differences.
Give a gentle smile and talk with an interest within the person.
If you're getting to prove anything, don’t let anybody realize it. roll in the hay so subtly, so adroitly, that nobody will feel you're doing it. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Third Principle: Remember that the person's name there to a person is that the sweetest and most vital sound in any language.
Remember how close we feel to someone when one calls us with our name. this is often the one technique employed by professional speakers to draw in the audience.
Calling with names shows that we've got an interest within the person and this thing pulls the speaker closer to us.
Next time when you meet an individual attempt to remember his/her name, put some efforts, and use it once you meet them next time and you'll be happy to ascertain the result.
The average person is more curious about his or her own name than altogether the opposite names on earth put together.
-Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Fourth Principle: Be an honest listener and encourage other's to speak about themselves.
Most of the people want to talk and mention themselves only. they are doing not want to concentrate on others. This think makes the opposite person feel interior and not important.
One Carnegie attended a banquet. After the party when he was leaving the place the host told him that he had an honest conversation with the Dale and he was proud of him, but the interesting thing is therein party Dale hardly had spoken anything had just listened and with genuine interest within the person.
One thing to urge better of this principle is to concentrate carefully and with genuine interest to the speaker and retreat with the words and therefore the tone commonly emphatically employed by the speaker this may impart a message that you simply have an interest within the talk and it'll encourage the person to talk more with interest towards you.
If you would like to understand the way to make people shun you and tease you behind your back and even despise you, here is that the recipe: Never hear anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you've got a thought while the opposite person is talking, don’t await him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt within the middle of a sentence. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Fifth Principle: Talk in terms of other person's interests.
So now we all know that folks like to mention themselves subsequent thing is to seek out the items of their interest on which that folks love talking.
The road to a person’s heart is to speak about the items he or she treasures most. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Every time Roosevelt expected a visitor he would hang out to read and study the interest of the visitor. He wont to apply an equivalent idea.
Sixth Principle: Make the opposite person feel important.
Summing up all the above rules tells us that we should always make the opposite person feel important.
This act makes the person joyful and excited to interact with you.
One thing again I would like to say here is that don't apply this stuff for the sake of just doing. Apply them from the guts. during this way you way, you'll impress and influence other people with you.
Part Three: the way to Win People to Your Way of Thinking.
First Principle: the sole thanks to getting the simplest of an argument is to avoid it.
Arguing is that the thing an individual should avoid. We argue once we think we are absolutely correct could also be we win the argument but what it yields?? It only creates differences among people.
The better thing in the argument is to avoid the argument.
In the race to prove ourselves correct at every point, we lost the person.
There is just one way under high heaven to urge the simplest of an argument - which is to avoid it. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Second Principle: If you're wrong admit it quickly and emphatically.
The best to return out of trouble is to simply accept the error and admit it. This thing will make the opposite person feel important and prevent bad results.
Did a fault at home? Admit quickly and emphatically it to your parents. this may keep their trust on you and it'll make them feel important and respectful. Also happy towards you that you simply are responsible.
Any fool can attempt to defend his or her mistakes - and most fools do - but it raises one above the herd and provides one a sense of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes.
-Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Third Principle: Begin in a friendly way.
When we get during a heated discussion with an individual and situations become critical if you meet the person together with your fists doubled it'll only push the opposite person to double his fists hastier.
What we would like from others first we've to offer an equivalent to them.
Rather in the above situation, it's beneficial to travel friendly, say 'buddy we've some misunderstanding let's clear it" apply all other ideas given above. this may make the opposite person more friendly towards you.
A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall. -Abraham Lincoln.
Fourth Principle: Get the opposite person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
When talking with an individual always starts with the points we both agree on. Never start with where the opposite person says "no". Because once we disagree the opposite person starts defending his/her points and this may only make difference so better is pull them in "yes" opinion as soon as possible.
So it's empathetic to start out with the ideas on which you both agree and this may automatically drive your opinion is assent by him.
Fifth Principle: Let the opposite person do an excellent deal of the talking.
When we attempt to make other people comply with our perspective we speak tons and check out to stick all our ideas without taking note of the emotions and thoughts of other people.
We should listen to them first because of his or her problem they know better than us. allow them to speak and check out to concentrate them attentively and with open mind, don't interrupt in between and understand them.
In this way, you'll understand them better and now you're able to solve the matter.
Sixth Principle: Let the opposite person thinks that the thought is his or hers.
People always feel stronger when the thought of theirs comes up emphatically.
Then why just attempt to make others swallow our idea? People love taking credit of things and this small act makes them happy.
So if you're during a discussion make it constructive with mutual ideas except for conclusion let yourself step back and let the opposite person offer the conclusion like his/her idea is being accepted.
See a case, Mr Wesson who wont to make sketches for a design studio. But he as many as his hundred tries had did not sell the sketches to at least one of the leading NY stylists. So at some point, he visited the person and showed him half-completed sketches and asked his ideas that what he would he do to try to make them liked by him. The person at NY stylists happily gave his ideas and Mr Wesson completed all sketches considering those ideas and sold them to the NY stylists.
If we truly are after the results then why to bother about credit? Let others take them.
Seventh Principle: Try honestly to ascertain things from another person's point of view.
One thing we all need to understand that we all have different perspectives. you'll find someone's idea completely wrong but you've got to stay this in your mind that from their perspective an equivalent idea is often best.
Listen to others with an open mind and ask questions, clear doubts, and understand their point of view. attempt to see the items from their perspective.
Don't just react. listen, understand, then respond.
There is a reason why the opposite man thinks and acts as he does. ferret that reason - and you've got the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Eighth Principle: Be sympathetic to the opposite person's ideas and desires.
Everyone wants that his/her feelings and concepts being understood et al. have care about his/her emotions. this is often the simplest thanks to turning people into friends.When during a conflict take an opportunity to think by putting yourself into their shoes then understand them.
Tell them "I completely understand you, why you....?
This way the person will feel closer to you.
Three-fourths of the people you'll ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. provides it to them, and that they will love you. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Ninth Principle: Appeal to the nobler motives.
If we would like to vary the choice of an individual we must appeal to his/her nobler motives.
In any work, most of the people want to present themselves as honest, responsible, hardworking or the other noble motives.
If you'll be ready to hit that time you'll turn them together with your opinion.
Example: If you would like to form an individual act responsible. Tell them that I do know you're very responsible which is why I'm supplying you with this task to perform. Now you'll see that that person will give his best to stay this image of being responsible because this quality is in his Nobler motives.
Tenth Principle: Dramatize your idea.
Sometimes just words aren't enough to present a thought. a touch drama can make it simpler to know. Why teachers use gestures to show kids?
Why we get down on a knee to propose someone?
Actually, this stuff makes the thought more interesting and catches attention.
Eleventh Principle: Throw down a challenge.
People love doing challenges and achieving rewards.When a thought doesn't work, turn it into a challenge or game with some rewards. People will show interest.
In the mood of competitions, we expect quite our extent because we feel stronger once we win something. Credits are something everyone wants.
The thanks to getting things done are to stimulate competition. I don't mean during a sordid, money-getting way, but within the desire to excel. -Charles Schwab
Part Four: Be a leader: the way to change people.
First Principle: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
People love getting appreciations. If you think that that there's any problem with the work and you would like to means that problem to the person, then start with the appreciating goodies within the work give honest praise then means the incorrect things with better suggestions. during this way you'll save the incorrect effects that just in case are often more if you directly means the incorrect things because pointing wrong things demotivate people.
Beginning with praise is just like the dentist who begins his work with Novocaine. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocaine kills the pain. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
It is sort of a sandwich start with appreciation then means the incorrect things and finishes again with appreciation it'll motivate that person to figure to get rid of shortcomings.
Second Principle: Signalize people's mistake indirectly.
Play with words choose them wisely and use to place your point.The human mind takes criticism with bitter responses. So albeit you would like to criticize roll in the hay indirectly that person take it as a motivation.
See an example, if a student who have gotten low marks within the exams, if his teacher says, "kid your marks are good but you've got to pay more attention to the studies to urge more marks."
In this case, the words may discourage the child.
On the opposite hand if the teacher says, "kid your marks are good and if you'll pay more attention you'll get more marks".
Now, these words will certainly motivate that student to figure more and obtain good marks.
Third Principle: mention your own mistake before criticizing the opposite person.
Before criticizing your subordinates believe yourself, you would possibly have done those mistakes when you're in their position.To start like this, "well once I was at your home I also did many mistakes, and mistakes are sure to come. But don't you think that that this thing if wiped out so then way could give better results."
In this way, you'll tell them that you simply have a good understanding with them.
Admitting one’s own mistakes - even when one hasn’t corrected them - can help convince somebody to vary his behaviour. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Fourth Principle: Ask questions rather than giving direct orders.
Instead of giving a direct order to see the consequences once you ask people to try to you things this concept would work? What're your ideas let me know? during this way, you'll recover creative ideas also nearly as good responses from others.Ask yourself if you wish to require orders? otherwise, you prefer it more when someone includes you in ideas by asking some questions.
Apply this thing.
People are more likely to simply accept an order if they need to have a neighbourhood within the decision that caused the order to be issued. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
Fifth Principle: Let the opposite person save face.
Even you afflict the opposite person never tells them this directly this might hurt their ego and that they may take defensive moves to guard their dignity.Use the above-given ideas to inform them about disagreement indirectly in order that the opposite person doesn't feel negative.
Sixth Principle: Praise every and even slightest improvements.
We can embrace the important potential of an individual by giving praises for his/her every improvement.Again mentioning here praise should be hearty it's completely different than flattering.
Think of your achievements and therefore the praises lie behind them.
Praise is like sunlight to the nice and cosy human spirit - we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most folks are all too able to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to offer our fellow the nice and cosy praise of sunshine. -Jess Lair
Seventh Principle: Give the opposite person a fine reputation to measure up to.
Similar to the principle of nobler motives provides a good reputation to the person and he/she will do everything to save lots of this reputation of his created by you.
If you would like to enhance an individual during a certain aspect, act as if that specific trait were already one among his or her outstanding characteristics. -Dale Carnegie, the way to win friends and influence people.
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